Casting the first stone

I paced around the platform in time and on time with my hands deep in my pockets. The rumblings below my feet and the gentle vibration of my cell in my pocket nudged me into two simultaneous but different activities. I looked up and the flickering information board confirmed the timely arrival of the train as it hissed to a stop.

I checked my phone to confirm the video message of the untimely arrival of our locomotive engine train maiden trip to Abeokuta in fanfare. I boarded, unslinged my backpack and sat down. The seat was comfortable and it was not supposed to be after all, it's a mere mass transit, I started writing this piece in an air of stale disappointment.

The Abeokuta train’s arrival time was an era off, so also is its single rail track system. India, Senegal and even Canada would have joined us in an overwhelming celebration if the train had arrived post colonial time - sometime in early 60s. Well, better late than never is  hardly a consolation advice for a single lady who is experiencing a protracted delay in getting a spouse. Every guy who knees to tie his shoes will be perceived  by her as a prospect suitor.

For this priceless antique, are we not supposed to be grateful? No, but we are. It is the government's responsibility to provide this and so much more for her citizens. If however, you had frustratingly waited for 16 years on an empty promise, every fairly used  items that comes your way from abroad will look like a gift from above.

The good thing is that the soul train will run free of charge like our educational  system  pending when the elections will be over, after which presumably you may  have to start using your PVC to get you on-board.

In the last four decades, we have all watched from the popular stand as the physical infrastructures the colonialist left behind slowly crumbled due to our lack of maintenance culture. Also, our inability to accommodate social infrastructures  in our discourse is the reason for our evident systemic failure.

Consequently, on board the slow moving train were the best wavering minds circumstances can put together to discuss why we are still this far behind in the comity of  nation.  The contingent includes a Nobel laureate, paramount ruler (I wonder the relevance of a king in a republic), party chieftains and some white folks to give the belated occasion some semblance of respect and make it colourful.
On arrival, the contingent gave a warm speech to show appreciation to the government, knowing fully well they will never board the train again.

Contrastingly, Ogun residents had to wait for the President’s campaign team to wisely arrive by road to express their indebtedness. Sadly, the campaign team had to leave in a hurry to avoid any injurious vote of thanks as the people decided  to cast their first vote with stones and not PVC!

My train’s screeching stop  brought me back from reverie. And as I disembarked I wonder why we have to necessarily start our own journey by first going back to the terminal, rather than just boarding from the nearest train station to us?

Rigged to death

For democratic inspiration  and validation, the Nigerian administration has continued to look up to an American government that is presently tumbling down the stairs tripped by Russian interference in their 2016 General elections.

After capitalism and democracy have buried socialism in a cold war fought between two models, Russia has not hidden her disdain for a people’s representative government. Having sensed a debt weakened USA, Russia chose to launch a cyber attack on the very heart of democracy by influencing their elections. Influencing election in Nigeria is called rigging. It would surprise you to hear also in Naija that it's not a big deal.

We may be a consuming economy with penchant for importing cutting edge technological products like tooth picks and matches, but we definitely need no external help in influencing our own elections. We are quite capable of mishandling our collective commitment to our future the way we deem fit. But, the President is a step ahead of everyone in ensuring that the postponed elections do not degenerate in to a cold war.

So, fearing that El-Rufai may be serious about returning international observers to their various countries in body bags, the President has in wise counsel ordered that local observers snatching ballot boxes for the sole aim of independently influencing votes cast be shot in cold blood. And I guess investigations into the ballot box snatching and the resultant extra judicial killing will be done posthumously and on merit.

Election rigging and corruption are very serious crimes in the United States and that is why there are seventeen ongoing investigations (including criminal) against President Trump. Till date, the investigation has yielded several indictments, five guilty pleas and Trump's personal lawyer and fixer will hopefully be in prison a day before my March birthday. As serious as this crime goes, none of those who pleaded guilty has been shot. Neither has any indicted Russian agent been returned to Kremlin in a body bag.

The consolation however for independent observers is that all these Presidential unsavoury election measures will be happening offline while most observers like me will be spinelessly monitoring the elections online. Pending when Oshinbajo is able to explain in “trader moni” language, Section 129 (1) and (2) Electoral Amendment Act 2010  to the President within legal and moral context, observers are advised to postpone all activities that could earn them a befitting full military burial rather than a 24 months imprisonment as stipulated under the Act.

At least, until democracy returns from her trip to the United States for medical appointment.

Unpresidential candidates

Senator Bernie Sanders will not be running for the Presidency at the 2020 US general elections. At 77 and having been running all his life, Mr Sanders decided last week to save his breath by walking into a local radio station to declare his ambition for the Presidency.

The senator will be joining the already crowded team of Democrats presidential candidates who are intent on taking power from Trump in case he does not self destruct before his term is over. Bernie may become the oldest American President in modern history, if he wins the election in 2020. But, Americans will be spared that blush, because Bernie has a lot of baggage that would most certainly hinder his mobility as he is supposed to be travelling light campaigning around the country.

The senator from Vermont has one of the finest minds on tour that beguile his age. The gentleman covets debate and intellectual engagements the way Nigerian politicians yearns for positions. He is not an instituted Democrat but found home among the Democrats as a socialist,and has never defected in defeat. He will be running as usual on a mantra of populist economic agenda:  bridging income inequality, higher taxes for the super rich, medicare and education for all and at all levels. Above all, he'll  be generally creating a conducive environment for social, racial, and environmental justice.

Politics is expensive everywhere. Rather than sell his ambition to the godfathers that will later incapacitate him, Mr Sanders chose the people. Within 24 hours of his declaration, he was able to raise $6m from the grassroots to kick off the campaign. He has three homes and with a total net worth of $700,000, the senator is not even financially qualified to run as a senator in Nigeria.

Bernie Sanders has never stole and not encumbered with the burden of financial allegations. His cognitive ability is remarkable as he needs no one to process information for him. He reels out figures to support his economic plan as if he’s reading from a teleprompter.  He is old but not obsolete, understands questions and has a clear chain of thoughts. Sadly, his grassroots strength may end up as his albatross in the days to come.

Trump won the electoral college but lost the popular election to Hilary. When the push comes to shove, the elitists will allow the people to have their say while they will have their way. Democracy may be a game of numbers but it doesn’t always add up when the poor are being counted.

Not knowing what our Presidential candidates stand for should not discourage you from performing your civic responsibility.

All the same: Vote. It may count!