Privileged protest

Since the colonialist left us at the mercy of our leaders - both political and religious, some decades ago, we have been  trying to appreciate what we have. In the process, we've almost end up losing our values, integrity, character and even our nationhood, at a point. To help take my mind off this unpleasantness, I have been devouring every literature on the French 1789 revolution at the same time with President Macron,  who until now has kept quiet about the five-week old yellow vest protest in France. However, in acceding belatedly to his people's request, Mr Macron has demonstrated the beauty of living with a supportive wife- teacher who helps with history and other lessons at home.

PMB has no such luxury of having someone to assist with home work,   neither do we as a people enjoy the privileges of sustained street protests like the French. I understand, protesting online is more effective than on the streets. After all, the  yellow vest protest started online in May 2018 before metamorphosing into a political movement. Now, their tenacity on the streets is yielding results. Greedy French, taking advantage of their listening President, what else do they want?

In comparison, our demands are primarily primordial: we want food not necessarily on a table, clothes and it doesn't have to be designer's, any kind of roof on our head, light even low voltage, abi na watts, will do, health care-not first aid, security of  lives as our properties are already in the custody of our leaders and of course, jobs. Unlike our leaders, we don’t mind working for any wage whether minimum or maximum!

Unplanned parenthood

Between the rich and the poor, what constitutes liability and asset is debatable, though without fact checks. A rich man is identified with his fleet of cars, houses and other profane material acquisitions.  The poor on the other hand,  glory in his virility as evident in his inability to count the number of offspring that litters his household. Depending on who you hang out with, both have strong premise on which they hang their arguments that is incredibly convincing that both are rich.

Nations are configured same way: Nigeria is about the same size as Texas- second largest state in America. Apart from the existence of 3 major pseudo ethnic nations, Nigeria has 36 states including the FCT akin to the 50 states in America. All the same, let’s do an unfair comparison. Texas in it's appropriation bill will be spending $216.8 billion in the next two years while Delta the richest state in Nigeria and Borno the largest state jointly have a $3.5 billion at their financial disposal under the same period.

Without debate but with our national income, it is abundantly clear that most states in our country are product of unplanned parenthood that have become liability to our federalist-structured nation. It is rather too late collapsing unviable states into neighbouring viable ones; they ought to be put up for sale to the greediest Nigerian. Lagos and Kwara states are not listed for sale. They are already bought.

Just gisting

Unlike infrastructure, education is the bedrock of any nation and that is always reflective in its choice budgetary allocation after defence. However, education is a long term investment and time is not on anyone's side during debates.

So, to jump start the micro economy,  infrastructure takes priority, we must seal all leakages by curtailing corruption at all levels including the churches. Remember that the church is the immediate beneficiary of our collapsed economy in the first place. Offering and taxes in the wrong hand benefits neither the sheep nor the people.

Pending next debate; let lgbo run the shop Yoruba should handle administration while the Hausa will provide security.

Delayed flight

For some queer and reasonable reasons, flying (both witchcraft and aircraft) has always fascinated me. Once or twice,  I have been privileged to be in the cockpit of those leased fairly used planes during take off and landing while consulting for Chanchangi Airlines. In a way, it is amazing how we put our destiny in the hands of these pilots who rely  mainly on mechanical prompts to take off at an average land speed of 160mph in the face of inclement weather conditions, cruise on blistering speed at dizzying altitudes and eventually land with minimal fuss.

Ogun state residents are presently seated at the airport with boarding passes waiting for their flight. They will not have the advantage of a seat in the cockpit because there will be hardly any room left after the pilot and co-pilot-Buruji Kashamu and Rueben Abati may have taken their seats. The initial schedule conflict between Buruji and Adeleke was quickly settled before it led to a turbulence. Nevertheless, it remains the cause of the delay.

Again, voters cannot claim they know these candidates but it matters very little as the society produces it's leaders from among the people.  Going by undocumented characteristics of Nigerian politicians; the above gentlemen are eminently qualified to govern the state come 2019. They are brazen, deceitful, focused but on themselves and have very little understanding of what governance is.

As  very strange bedfellows, though in the same party, these gentlemen represent the extremities of aviation and whether the witchcraft and aircraft are going to work together is rather too late to contemplate, because the voters are already on board clutching their free tickets on a trip that they will come to know later that it’s always better to be down on the ground wishing you were up in the air than up in the air wishing you were down on the ground.

Of course, airplanes are  designed to take-off and fly.  There is however no way to guess which ones will go smoothly and which ones will crash, but you can improve the odds significantly and systematically by checking the antecedents of the pilot since the manifestos are mainly the same. One can only hope that in this instance, the black box is intact, working and everyone's name is on the manifest in the likely event of imminent crash. 

Landing is mandatory; take off is not. Don’t board by ticket. Vote wisely.

Smooth transition

In a very rare display of the smoothest transition of power in political history, the newer governor of Lagos State has embarked on an appreciation tour of the state for the overwhelming support they gave him in the 2019 May elections. On ground to receive him and his cabinet were the various Obas who will though readily argued that another Oba will not come into throne ascendancy until the death of the incumbent Oba. Spare no sympathy, the words of our elders are words of wisdom.

By stroke of political ingenuity, the resident INEC commissioner in Bourdillon has in handing over a certificate of return to the newer governor handed the incumbent a political death certificate. The people are celebrating both incidences under the warp explanation of our elders wisdom that says  the success of one is predicated on the misfortune of other. But,where does that leave the incumbent and Lagosians?
In a  conspiratorial quagmire.

Here,governance has been suspended till the new administration finishes the victory lap and the people are done consigning the physical and political dirt as represented by the incumbent in any of the numerous overfilled trash cans that decorate the state.  With good behaviour, the incumbent may be due for a parole in the not too distant future, when he may come back either as a minister of yet to be created office or as just a party faithful. Both are humbling and lucrative positions that demands higher loyalty. And, the people will always be in the dark either online or offline; it doesn't matter, their destiny is decided anyway.

This is an expensive lecture in loyalty  for the incumbent governor that the newer governor will not have to pay for to learn; one of the host Obas that benefited from recent history may have whispered to him during  his visit that the cane the husband used for the old wife is somewhere within reach for the new one. The words of our elders are words of wisdom. Indeed.

Point and kill

Subsumed in controversy but definitely not rumours is the recent N10m donation that the award receiving Governor  of Kano State, Abdullahi Ganduje made to the EFCC. Nigerians are such a bunch of happy and mischievous people; or who else will read meaning to a harmless no strings attached donation to an anti graft agency that has  coincidentally refused to investigate an earlier $5 million bribery allegation against the generous governor?Both the governor and the EFCC have continue to fan this smoke without fire by not addressing the bribery allegations against them.

After his stint as governor in Edo State, the APC found that it was not good for Adams to be alone. He was conscripted under shadowy circumstances into the executives as chairman of the party to be fruitful and increase in numbers. The party didn't increase in numbers and it wasn’t long before Adam took the bite, heard the call and hid in United kingdom before coming back home to empty threats more from party members than opposition. As long as he doesn't break the hedge, Adams is not likely to be to be prosecuted.

 Atiku's case presents a bit of a paradox; prosecute him and the opposition will cry foul, leave him and the boat is rocked. There are other extraneous options, like waiting and pleading at the US embassy against your citizen that you swore to protect.  Anything short of Atiku in the dock and Obasanjo appearing as a star witness for the prosecution will be mocking the people’s sense of equity. PMB needs to take a stand. And judgement must start from his house. Otherwise we can kiss the anti corruption stance goodbye.

State of the nation

We may have upgraded our compromised moral barometer, raised our non existent values barrier, highlighted our zero level tolerance for corruption, redacted our political history and yet, we still have Atiku Abubakar in contention for the highest office in the land.

The present administration is  understandably frustrated and has decided to accede her primary responsibility to a foreign nation by laying siege at the American embassy and hoping they do not grant Atiku a visa. And when he was purportedly given, they still hope he will be prosecuted there.

It is negligence and complete naivety to think it is convenient to take your baby to your neighbour to have a pamper changed and also help you investigate why your baby poo with the intention of having her punished for doing what all babies do.
With Buhari’s decision to pitch his tent in far East with China- where their leaders are alive but dead to corruption, America may have found a willing stooge in Atiku.

Colonialism has kept him this far and it will be foolhardy to think that  any imperialist government will take side with the Nigeria masses against the ruling elites that guarantees an unofficial steady stream of income  to their economy through our loots.
Help will not come from abroad, we must be relentless in getting out of all exploitative relationships with our compromised leaders wherever they are found.  And while you’re at it, this week, Tom Clancy's book, Dead or Alive will be arriving at my doorstep without any fanfare and I hope to finish reading it before anyone starts reading meaning to it.

Steal Undecided

While we are still clueless about who our next president will be – whether an alleged thief or a squeaky clean Sheriff surrounded by more alleged thieves who cannot make the call ; Bill Gates has gone ahead with his own campaign by committing $700 million into a project that will ultimately solve our nonpolitical problems through the reinvention of the toilet. In an effort to get our leaders not to treat the voters the way they treat their poo, scientists have on the basis of Bill Gates fund come up with a radically transformed toilet that is capable of levelling the status discrepancy between the haves and have nots.

The toilet removes germs from the human waste and recovers valuable resources such as energy, clean water, and nutrients. It bypasses the expensive traditional sewage system by operating “off the grid” without connections to water, sewer, or electrical lines thereby making it available to the over 2 billion people, that mostly reside in Africa at an affordable cost. About  88% of deaths worldwide are due to diarrheal and other diseases that can be attributed to unsafe water, poor hygiene, inadequate sanitation - and not the devil as our pastors wanted us to believe.

By way of introduction, Bill is the rich American, brilliant Microsoft co founder with a verifiable source of wealth that cannot identify mosquito but has spent significant part of his time and money in eradicating malaria and polio in Africa. Additionally, Bill Gates has announced that he will be paying off our $76 million Overseas Development Assistance (ODA) loan  secured from Japan in 2014.

Wait a minute, as a mark of gratitude, the next time Bill Gates show up here, we can dye his hair black, fix in new dental implants, feed him on kola nut to impair his accent, force him into high heel shoes and leave his ears the way they are for effective listening, find something for Oshiomole and Okorocha to be quiet and we may have a President in 2019 that will be acceptable to both the wailers and hailers.

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