Privileged protest

Since the colonialist left us at the mercy of our leaders - both political and religious, some decades ago, we have been  trying to appreciate what we have. In the process, we've almost end up losing our values, integrity, character and even our nationhood, at a point. To help take my mind off this unpleasantness, I have been devouring every literature on the French 1789 revolution at the same time with President Macron,  who until now has kept quiet about the five-week old yellow vest protest in France. However, in acceding belatedly to his people's request, Mr Macron has demonstrated the beauty of living with a supportive wife- teacher who helps with history and other lessons at home.

PMB has no such luxury of having someone to assist with home work,   neither do we as a people enjoy the privileges of sustained street protests like the French. I understand, protesting online is more effective than on the streets. After all, the  yellow vest protest started online in May 2018 before metamorphosing into a political movement. Now, their tenacity on the streets is yielding results. Greedy French, taking advantage of their listening President, what else do they want?

In comparison, our demands are primarily primordial: we want food not necessarily on a table, clothes and it doesn't have to be designer's, any kind of roof on our head, light even low voltage, abi na watts, will do, health care-not first aid, security of  lives as our properties are already in the custody of our leaders and of course, jobs. Unlike our leaders, we don’t mind working for any wage whether minimum or maximum!

Unplanned parenthood

Between the rich and the poor, what constitutes liability and asset is debatable, though without fact checks. A rich man is identified with his fleet of cars, houses and other profane material acquisitions.  The poor on the other hand,  glory in his virility as evident in his inability to count the number of offspring that litters his household. Depending on who you hang out with, both have strong premise on which they hang their arguments that is incredibly convincing that both are rich.

Nations are configured same way: Nigeria is about the same size as Texas- second largest state in America. Apart from the existence of 3 major pseudo ethnic nations, Nigeria has 36 states including the FCT akin to the 50 states in America. All the same, let’s do an unfair comparison. Texas in it's appropriation bill will be spending $216.8 billion in the next two years while Delta the richest state in Nigeria and Borno the largest state jointly have a $3.5 billion at their financial disposal under the same period.

Without debate but with our national income, it is abundantly clear that most states in our country are product of unplanned parenthood that have become liability to our federalist-structured nation. It is rather too late collapsing unviable states into neighbouring viable ones; they ought to be put up for sale to the greediest Nigerian. Lagos and Kwara states are not listed for sale. They are already bought.

Just gisting

Unlike infrastructure, education is the bedrock of any nation and that is always reflective in its choice budgetary allocation after defence. However, education is a long term investment and time is not on anyone's side during debates.

So, to jump start the micro economy,  infrastructure takes priority, we must seal all leakages by curtailing corruption at all levels including the churches. Remember that the church is the immediate beneficiary of our collapsed economy in the first place. Offering and taxes in the wrong hand benefits neither the sheep nor the people.

Pending next debate; let lgbo run the shop Yoruba should handle administration while the Hausa will provide security.

Delayed flight

For some queer and reasonable reasons, flying (both witchcraft and aircraft) has always fascinated me. Once or twice,  I have been privileged to be in the cockpit of those leased fairly used planes during take off and landing while consulting for Chanchangi Airlines. In a way, it is amazing how we put our destiny in the hands of these pilots who rely  mainly on mechanical prompts to take off at an average land speed of 160mph in the face of inclement weather conditions, cruise on blistering speed at dizzying altitudes and eventually land with minimal fuss.

Ogun state residents are presently seated at the airport with boarding passes waiting for their flight. They will not have the advantage of a seat in the cockpit because there will be hardly any room left after the pilot and co-pilot-Buruji Kashamu and Rueben Abati may have taken their seats. The initial schedule conflict between Buruji and Adeleke was quickly settled before it led to a turbulence. Nevertheless, it remains the cause of the delay.

Again, voters cannot claim they know these candidates but it matters very little as the society produces it's leaders from among the people.  Going by undocumented characteristics of Nigerian politicians; the above gentlemen are eminently qualified to govern the state come 2019. They are brazen, deceitful, focused but on themselves and have very little understanding of what governance is.

As  very strange bedfellows, though in the same party, these gentlemen represent the extremities of aviation and whether the witchcraft and aircraft are going to work together is rather too late to contemplate, because the voters are already on board clutching their free tickets on a trip that they will come to know later that it’s always better to be down on the ground wishing you were up in the air than up in the air wishing you were down on the ground.

Of course, airplanes are  designed to take-off and fly.  There is however no way to guess which ones will go smoothly and which ones will crash, but you can improve the odds significantly and systematically by checking the antecedents of the pilot since the manifestos are mainly the same. One can only hope that in this instance, the black box is intact, working and everyone's name is on the manifest in the likely event of imminent crash. 

Landing is mandatory; take off is not. Don’t board by ticket. Vote wisely.

Smooth transition

In a very rare display of the smoothest transition of power in political history, the newer governor of Lagos State has embarked on an appreciation tour of the state for the overwhelming support they gave him in the 2019 May elections. On ground to receive him and his cabinet were the various Obas who will though readily argued that another Oba will not come into throne ascendancy until the death of the incumbent Oba. Spare no sympathy, the words of our elders are words of wisdom.

By stroke of political ingenuity, the resident INEC commissioner in Bourdillon has in handing over a certificate of return to the newer governor handed the incumbent a political death certificate. The people are celebrating both incidences under the warp explanation of our elders wisdom that says  the success of one is predicated on the misfortune of other. But,where does that leave the incumbent and Lagosians?
In a  conspiratorial quagmire.

Here,governance has been suspended till the new administration finishes the victory lap and the people are done consigning the physical and political dirt as represented by the incumbent in any of the numerous overfilled trash cans that decorate the state.  With good behaviour, the incumbent may be due for a parole in the not too distant future, when he may come back either as a minister of yet to be created office or as just a party faithful. Both are humbling and lucrative positions that demands higher loyalty. And, the people will always be in the dark either online or offline; it doesn't matter, their destiny is decided anyway.

This is an expensive lecture in loyalty  for the incumbent governor that the newer governor will not have to pay for to learn; one of the host Obas that benefited from recent history may have whispered to him during  his visit that the cane the husband used for the old wife is somewhere within reach for the new one. The words of our elders are words of wisdom. Indeed.

Point and kill

Subsumed in controversy but definitely not rumours is the recent N10m donation that the award receiving Governor  of Kano State, Abdullahi Ganduje made to the EFCC. Nigerians are such a bunch of happy and mischievous people; or who else will read meaning to a harmless no strings attached donation to an anti graft agency that has  coincidentally refused to investigate an earlier $5 million bribery allegation against the generous governor?Both the governor and the EFCC have continue to fan this smoke without fire by not addressing the bribery allegations against them.

After his stint as governor in Edo State, the APC found that it was not good for Adams to be alone. He was conscripted under shadowy circumstances into the executives as chairman of the party to be fruitful and increase in numbers. The party didn't increase in numbers and it wasn’t long before Adam took the bite, heard the call and hid in United kingdom before coming back home to empty threats more from party members than opposition. As long as he doesn't break the hedge, Adams is not likely to be to be prosecuted.

 Atiku's case presents a bit of a paradox; prosecute him and the opposition will cry foul, leave him and the boat is rocked. There are other extraneous options, like waiting and pleading at the US embassy against your citizen that you swore to protect.  Anything short of Atiku in the dock and Obasanjo appearing as a star witness for the prosecution will be mocking the people’s sense of equity. PMB needs to take a stand. And judgement must start from his house. Otherwise we can kiss the anti corruption stance goodbye.

State of the nation

We may have upgraded our compromised moral barometer, raised our non existent values barrier, highlighted our zero level tolerance for corruption, redacted our political history and yet, we still have Atiku Abubakar in contention for the highest office in the land.

The present administration is  understandably frustrated and has decided to accede her primary responsibility to a foreign nation by laying siege at the American embassy and hoping they do not grant Atiku a visa. And when he was purportedly given, they still hope he will be prosecuted there.

It is negligence and complete naivety to think it is convenient to take your baby to your neighbour to have a pamper changed and also help you investigate why your baby poo with the intention of having her punished for doing what all babies do.
With Buhari’s decision to pitch his tent in far East with China- where their leaders are alive but dead to corruption, America may have found a willing stooge in Atiku.

Colonialism has kept him this far and it will be foolhardy to think that  any imperialist government will take side with the Nigeria masses against the ruling elites that guarantees an unofficial steady stream of income  to their economy through our loots.
Help will not come from abroad, we must be relentless in getting out of all exploitative relationships with our compromised leaders wherever they are found.  And while you’re at it, this week, Tom Clancy's book, Dead or Alive will be arriving at my doorstep without any fanfare and I hope to finish reading it before anyone starts reading meaning to it.

Steal Undecided

While we are still clueless about who our next president will be – whether an alleged thief or a squeaky clean Sheriff surrounded by more alleged thieves who cannot make the call ; Bill Gates has gone ahead with his own campaign by committing $700 million into a project that will ultimately solve our nonpolitical problems through the reinvention of the toilet. In an effort to get our leaders not to treat the voters the way they treat their poo, scientists have on the basis of Bill Gates fund come up with a radically transformed toilet that is capable of levelling the status discrepancy between the haves and have nots.

The toilet removes germs from the human waste and recovers valuable resources such as energy, clean water, and nutrients. It bypasses the expensive traditional sewage system by operating “off the grid” without connections to water, sewer, or electrical lines thereby making it available to the over 2 billion people, that mostly reside in Africa at an affordable cost. About  88% of deaths worldwide are due to diarrheal and other diseases that can be attributed to unsafe water, poor hygiene, inadequate sanitation - and not the devil as our pastors wanted us to believe.

By way of introduction, Bill is the rich American, brilliant Microsoft co founder with a verifiable source of wealth that cannot identify mosquito but has spent significant part of his time and money in eradicating malaria and polio in Africa. Additionally, Bill Gates has announced that he will be paying off our $76 million Overseas Development Assistance (ODA) loan  secured from Japan in 2014.

Wait a minute, as a mark of gratitude, the next time Bill Gates show up here, we can dye his hair black, fix in new dental implants, feed him on kola nut to impair his accent, force him into high heel shoes and leave his ears the way they are for effective listening, find something for Oshiomole and Okorocha to be quiet and we may have a President in 2019 that will be acceptable to both the wailers and hailers.

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First among equals

First among equals

It is almost time for mid-term elections here in the United States and things are really getting frenzied; but first, let’s meet Ms Stacy Abrams. She is contesting for the post of governorship of Georgia and if elected, she will be the first female African American governor in the history of the country. By the way, Stacy Abrams was the first African American girl to be a valedictorian in high school, the first black female to get a law degree from prestigious Yale, the first female African American leader of the Georgia house of Assembly and an author of 8 romantic novels. Some resume!

With regards to the Nigerian politics however, the Igbos cannot and have not been allowed to boast of such resume as all their experiences in the political history of the country has always ended up in a perennial second. Though the general elections is still some five months away, delegates are already benefiting from the dividends of democracy in foreign exchange and it appears the Igbos are once again happy to play second fiddle.

While the rest of the presidential candidates are all at the domestic airports waiting for cheapest tickets to campaign around the country, the two serious contenders for the presidency- Obasanjo and Tinubu are busy preparing inauguration speeches for their parties. This election is already done and dusted. Nevertheless, you still ought to vote. Being on the queue may not necessarily result in the expected outcome, but you will have something to show for your effort anyway.

I have tremendous respect for Father Matthew Hassan Kukah and not because he is about the only Catholic priest without sexual scandal but because of his erudite and informed position on the state of the nation. So, with Bishop Oyedepo and Sheikh Gumi in tow, the trinity was in complete harmony with Atiku for his confession and reconciliation with Obasanjo at the latter’s home last week. Obasanjo has forgiven Atiku for his sins against him and in good faith has promised to vote for him at a political cost, since he blew the whistle on him and nobody did nothing about it. Atiku has paid restitution during the primaries for his sins against the nation. As for the rest of his sins, Gumi, Kukah and Oyedepo will handle that directly with God. If he cannot get into God's own country on account of his misdeeds, at least the trio will secure his passage to heaven at a cost. Salvation is no longer free.

Lastly, with Oyedepo and Obasanjo atoning for Atiku and Adeboye and Tinubu brandishing Buhari, it is just going to be a two horse race with no room for anyone praying for first break. Religion and politics used to be strange bedfellows but not any longer, there is provision for them in the other room. So, heads or tail, the people will always lose to their spiritual and political leaders.

Performing abroad

Before the end of this year, Beyonce will be owing the front page of Vogue magazine- the world literary representation of fashion expression. And what is more newsworthy is not that Beyonce will be the first black to grace the Vogue in her 120 years of publication but she will also be shot by a black young photographer. Touching everything from the unemployed to the sick, Bey's BeyGood foundation aims to make the world a more beautiful place. Her new initiative is currently raising money for the thousands in Nepal who were affected by the recent 7.8 magnitude earthquake. The superstar raised hundreds of thousands of dollars to fight for gender equality worldwide, given school supplies to students across the nation and hosted food drives in Houston (and she shows no sign of stopping!).

In L.A., LeBron James having learnt that sport without education is like having an apple laptop without a password, has partnered with Akrons public school in fulfilling lifetime promise of providing education at no cost to parents. What made the school unique is that it has anchored its curriculum in math and science-based teaching, dipping into the STEM — science, technology, engineering, and math — curriculum that prepares students for the jobs of the future.

Just like most documented immigrants, President Buhari too is doing better in diaspora than at home. The president has just been selected as the chairman of ECOWAS.Guaranteeing him a steady job and income for the next year in case PDP goes ahead with a predictable impeachment proceeding against him for his deliverables.Buhari is likely to suffer the same fate as his predecessor President Faure Gnassingbe who faced a tough task in his 12-month tenure. Togolese opposition parties understandingly protested his continued stay in power over the entire period.

In his reaction to both his new international assignment and high profile defection of members of his party, the president has decided to go on holidays in UK before Britain exits Europe. The possibility of Buhari coming back and meeting any relevant APC members still in the party is as slim as his chances of fair hearing in the biased court of public opinion. While in UK, the vice president will be directing the affairs of the country provided he does not go to mountain top to pray. It is a good thing Saraki has defected to PDP at this point in time otherwise he may put the country up for sale as the next person in line of authority before the President returns.

But seriously, this may not be an auspicious time  for the president to relocate, sorry go on vacation. I mean we all can't in the name of change leave the country now, even God will find an excuse for not being able to rule in the affairs of this country as promised, and those that are banned from travelling outside the country cannot be trusted with our finances. And I am kinda busy right now.

patrickadegbamigbe.blogspot.com

Vanity fair

We are all allowed to show off what we have once in a while - which is good. Some show off their bodies, some their assets, some their liabilities, some their knowledge and some show their ignorance. When this is often, it is called pride. Pride is a weakness because it is vain. As Mark Twain puts it, It ain't what you don't know that gets you in trouble. It is what you know for sure that just ain't so.

Four years ago, Ambode was introduced to the political scene by his political father as the next governor. He showed off what he has in the several political debates and similar fora that he turned up for- mainly his wardrobe. And I showed my disdain both for him and the system that produced him. He lost all debates to the erudite, composed and visibly more intelligent Jimi Agbaje of PDP. The race, of course was not the swiftest, and amidst other undemocratic machinations, Tinubu won and Ambode was sworn in.

Opinions on his performance is however divided more along party line than on deliverables. Lagosians don't have tall expectations; just a safe and clean Lagos. And perhaps, a saner traffic, upgraded transportation system and a just land use charges- considering the fact that the earth is of God and its fulness thereof. Three years into his administration, traffic gridlock is still awesome and Ambode is still competing with God for the land.

Compared with other states,it was not a totally awful outing for him as undecided Lagosians were ready to promote him to a second term on trial, if not for the school principal in Bourdilon that insisted on his expulsion. Ambode was a student who became a prefect on account of his personal hygiene and cleanliness but made more frantic effort in upholding his model status thereby leaving the school in such a dismay state.

As for Tinubu and the newly selected school prefect, I will leave them with this excerpt from a book i just read: the danger in every organization, especially the one built around hierarchy is that you create an environment that cuts off dissenting views and discourages honest feedback. That can quickly lead to a culture of delusion and deception. And in a leader, the tendency of too much confidence to swamp humility can lead to a dangerous self indulgence at the expense of others.

Lastly, the days ahead is going to be lonely for the incumbent governor and as he must have belatedly found out that you need more than impressive wardrobe to lead the people and the only place to find solitude against solicitude in school is the library. He needs to read and not just books but the people.

Unforced Errors

Unforced errors

The choice of how to spend my weekend two weeks ago wasn't up to any debate that I needed any deputy to handle for me. The decision was made before the choices of whether to go to New York and watch the women US open tennis finals or read a book by James Comey book entitled,Higher Loyalty even came up. I could do both with minimal fuss; I watched the game on Television and read the book during commercial breaks. I hate adverts.

On papers, it was already a mismatch. Serena Williams is arguably the most successful woman athlete in that elitist sport with 24 majors, on the other side of the net was Naomi Osaka with nothing but a racquet. In a sense I was proved right because in less than 2 hours, the game was over, Naomi Osaka won. No one envisaged that. Without taking anything away from the rookie, Osaka crushed almost all Serena first serves, her cross courts forehand were blistering as she obviously left her nerves in Japan as she served out the match with an ace. Forget the controversy with the umpire, Serena partially handed the trophy over to her by uncharacteristically serving 6 double faults while ammasing a total number  of 21 unforced errors. The only place you can make so much errors and still be relevant is in Nigeria politics.

I joined other fine professional colleagues on BGGI (Buhari Good Governance Initiative)then to campaign selflessly for Buhari not on mantra for change but for integrity. So, when it took him so long to name his team, we all figured and agreed that finding ministers with proven financial integrity may seriously take years of intensive  online and offline search. Six months later, the list came out and there were no surprises in the sense that nobody expected Buhari to roll with those individuals. We weren't expecting angels to come and serve as ministers but we didn't deserve those devils either. Unforced error.

Prior to his coming, insecurity has gained an actual life in the country and coming from a military and north background, we assumed this was going to be a piece of cake for the retired general. With his walking cane, a rag tag army and self preservation, he did what he could with Boko Haram and hurriedly announced the defeat of just a wounded enemy. He didn't go for the kill and so thunder struct again at the same spot. The Fulani herdsmen plundered farms, killed and maimed as the President joined the rest of us he has sworn to protect to watch in horror. This has to be a double fault.

From day zero, the economy was going to be his greatest albatross beacuse prelude to his coming, sucessive governments have wrecked the economy and his choice of economic team leader was a rookie. Tackling financial corruption was tactical; but his inexperience at handling political corruption marrs his efforts in reviving the economy. Again, prematurely announcing that we were out of recession when all street indices showed otherwise was insensitive. Unforced error.

We will take a commercial break, and if you're reading this, don't lose hope. Vote.

P.S.

Double Fault
The server has two serves to start the point. Whenever he misses both he looses one point in the game and this situation is called a double fault.

Unforced Error
Error in a service or return shot that cannot be attributed to any factor other than poor judgement and execution by the player.

Depressing times...

Those of you who have always thought that Anthony Bourdain of CNN was going to die prematurely of food poisoning were left half disappointed last week when the news of his demise broke on CNN. He died prematurely but not of food poisoning. Guess Anthony was tired of waiting for effect of the toxicity of the strange cuisines taken over the years to kick in, that he eventually took his own life in Strasbourg, France.

Before his untimely death in his hotel room, just a few days after the shocking suicide of designer Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain was a 61-year-old celebrity chef, writer and host of CNN’s Parts Unknown. I am a great fan of his works for two reasons: Firstly, I belong to the same hospitality industry where Anthony lived, worked,died and made landmark contributions to the industry especially with his books and later in life, his travelogues. In 17 years on the road, Bourdain visited nearly 100 countries and left an unparalleled mark on the food industry—and the world. But eventually, spending some 250 days of the year on the road took its toll. Secondly and most importantly, he managed to make something out of the recipe of nothing not only in the kitchen, but in life.

For any kid dreaming of a celebrity life like that of Bourdain, the pathway is simple and the end is nightmarish. Drop out of school, don’t concentrate, do a lot of weed if you cannot afford cocaine and heroin and you are rest assured of a celebrity status, a divorce and an unparented offspring; though not necessarily in that order. Bourdain dropped out of college to go to the Culinary Institute of America in New York, where he took on several side hustles to make money. After graduating, he often put in 12-hour shifts, six days a week, and still brought home no more than $120 after taxes, reports Wealthsimple.

"I didn't put anything aside, ever. Money came in, money went out. I was always a paycheck behind, at least. I usually owed my chef my paycheck: again, cocaine," Bourdain told Wealthsimple. "Until I was 44, I never even had a savings account”. His fool at forty didn't stay a fool forever. He found his calling: wrote his book Kitchen Confidential and became an instant hit. And the rest, you can read from his autobiography spread across the hospitality globe.

There are no shortages of opinions about his death but trust American press to tell you to go to hell in a way that you will be looking forward to the journey. At their euphemistic best, Bourdain was reported by American media to have died of suicide as if suicide was a digestive disease that plagued him during his exuberant travels for strange cuisines.

Sadly, suicide is a lot worse than what the media is painting  especially with celebrities. It is simply not courageous to deliberately want to stop living knowing that your sudden departure can cause even more catastrophic effects for those you thought your death will relieve. Sometimes, trying to get what you want in life may leave you losing what you already have. These celebrities already have what others will kill for, yet some end up killing themselves mindlessly anyway. The point here is not to judge Bourdain but to let people see the numbness in choice of death over life. It is frightening to contemplate otherwise.

Back home and even more generally, the tendency to link money with happiness and poverty with depression is even more depressing as nothing is farther from the truth. These folks have money and they know how and where to shop, but somehow are still in need of what money cannot guarantee.

   

The second wrong assumption is in not believing that common situations or life events that might cause suicidal thoughts are: grief, sexual abuse, financial problems, remorse, rejection, a relationship breakup, and unemployment. To think that there is a devil or an old woman somewhere in a remote village orchestrating suicides in France or on the third mainland bridge is like making incisions on your legs and believing that will enable you win football matches. Ridiculous!

Today’s solution for mental health is to get a cocktail of drugs - illegal or prescribed. Somethings that should get prescribed are walks in nature, exercise, volunteering, meditation and  praying. The objective is to free the mind and not control it.  And that is where fame and money play a role in lack of contentment.

“Everyone you know is fighting a battle you know nothing about" (Brit Hume).

Sickening.....

Sickening….

Once in a while, as humans, we all get sick and need to get treated and get back to normal activities. The tragedy however is that a lot of us sometimes do not get back to work. They die. A good number of these deaths are sadly due to preventable and curable diseases as a result of inability to access affordable medical care. If this was everyone's lot, we can always agree with our spiritual leaders that it is our destiny or the works of the devil. Interestingly, this is neither true nor everyone’s lot. And this is where the comedy starts.

By the time you are reading this piece,President Muhamadu Buhari will have arrived in London on his third medical trip this year, some eight months after returning from the last one that lasted fifty days .The president left without telling us the cost of the medical treatment to the tax payers but by the time he is back in four days, three thousand and two-eighty four(3,284) Nigerian kids would have avoidably died of malaria. He will probably not hear the bad news because of his ear infection.

As for those us who are not hard of hearing,this is not the work of the devil; he is too busy handling natural disasters than getting involved with man- made disasters that our elected leaders are quite competent of starting and sustaining to their benefits and to our detriment.

We all knew that Buhari at his age will be prone to ailments giving his strict youthful lifestyle of just smoking and womanizing,but we chose to vote for his integrity anyway, a quality which was clearly lacking in other morally bankrupt presidential aspirants with good health. What we did not bargain for is his preference for seeking treatment abroad for his local ailments—like many African spiritual and political leaders— which is at odds with his administration’s rhetoric of war against corruption.

Though between opinion and fact, a debate always ensues, but it is my opinion that Buhari’s famed integrity coupled with unverified integrity of his entire cabinet has not been able to move the country forward. That is a fact when you consider our present situation: With an army without arms, bereft of strategy and lacking general ideas, General Buhari has been reduced to a boy scout in his battle against the Boko Haram. While we can excuse him on the ground that he inherited the north-east crisis like he inherited the 13 aircrafts in the presidential fleet, the marauding herdsmen are of his own ingeniuos making and just speaking hausa to them has obviously not yielded any solution and will not. It is time for the obvious.

Mr President must also not listen(not that he can medically do anyway) to those singing that “quitters don't win and winners don't quit”. While in UK, the President should visit the Emirates and ask for one Arsene Wengers, he is a living example of the tragedy of that cliche. He eventually quit not on his terms and not as a winner but a loser!

Sir, an ailing economy does not deserve an equally ill leader. Your family needs you and we need our country back, preferably in one piece!

Buhari came.

With trivial matters like denuclearization of North Korea, official end of war between South and North Korea, Iran deal and investigation of Russian interference in the 2016 US elections on Trump’s mind, it seemed our President chose a good time to visit the White House. But, since the visit was more of a summon than invitation, President Buhari had little or no choice than to come.

It is also worthy to note that since Trump insulted some nations-Nigeria inclusive- some months ago, Nigerian President was the first from the sub Saharan African Region that will be officially visiting the White house. Being the most populous Black Nation on earth, expectations were high from the rest of the world, especially from other “shithole countries”, who felt Nigeria is in much better position to call  Trump’s bluff and also push back on his derogatory remarks.

The President however had his own agenda and addressing Trump's alleged remarks was not on it. At the top of the agenda for the meeting was the issue of security, and understandably so. President rode to power on the mantra of a change predicated on defeating Boko Haram and tackling corruption. It has not been easy as the president was later to find out. In corruption, he found his contemporaries and party faithful and in Boko Haram, the president was hampered by his religion and armament to confront an enemy of international repute. Desperate for help, PMB brought out his passport, applied for visa and here he is in White House for an audience with the leader of the free world.

Hardly had President Buhari entered the meeting that the security agenda quickly changed to agriculture. Even though America had already agreed earlier in principle on a sale of half a billion dollars military hardware to us, there was a sudden need for a reflection. If the leader of the giant of Africa looks this lean and frail, our host felt security should be the least on our priority and therefore proceeded on a topic that will be of immediate benefit to the massive Nigerians at home. Food. Contrary to Buhari’s policy of protecting our agricultural industry by stopping imports, Trump managed to bully his way into opening Nigeria up to trade by outright flattery, describing Nigeria that he has neither been to nor invested in as the ‘’most beautiful country’! Obasanjo will not have fell for that and Jonathan will probably have clapped.

To the relief of our youths, the bilateral talks came to an end without any mention of them, even in passing. Neither country broached the subject of climate change, even with the shrinking of lake Chad and the North Pole, both leaders were selfishly fixated on the up coming elections that they are jointly poised to lose.

As a parting gift, Buhari got nothing in terms of humanitarian assistance for the internally displaced persons and neither aid for the reconstruction of innumerable devastated towns in the northeast. Rather, he was warned that killing of Christians in the middle-belt and northern Nigeria will no longer be acceptable, but one wonders what the US can possibly do if this persists. It is called shakara but I hope it works.

Re-election hoax

It is now official. PMB will not be running for re-elections in 2019 because of his failing health, the ailing economy of the country, and being a man of extreme integrity. The President will be reneging on his word on one term election if he did otherwise. I’m kidding. Contrarily, the President has declared his intention to waste another four years of our time as part of his own retirement severance package, that we all sadly have to pay for. For effects, the president has picked the four years anniversary of missing Chibok girls to make the announcement.Very timely.

Rather than react to this, the youths are being distracted by the insulting comments purportedly delivered by our frail President  in UK at the meeting of nations beleaguered with common poverty at the commonwealth meetings. According to news report monitored, youths are beefing the president for washing their dirty linen in public and not just because the linen is dirty in the first place. Our leaders are the most insulted, yet they carry on looting us with clarity of purpose refusing to be distracted. When you do not have a sense of purpose, you react to all trivialities with burning energy that should have been channeled into positive challenges like voting the present administration out of power.

It will almost be impossible for anyone that has been part of this Nigerian debacle to also be part of the solution; that will be like putting tooth paste back into the tube. In other words, a reasonable percentage of Nigerians are already disqualified because of their involvement in not just this administration but also past administrations that have cumulatively succeeded in putting this nation in to this present predicament. And anything short of mass revolution will just be another stop gap measure into finding an elusive resolution.

And talking of resolution, I do not mean this Sowore inspired student like demonstrations. As commendable and refreshing as his entrance into the confused foray is, it can only serve a cosmetic purpose that cannot dent our deeply entrenched problem. I wait to see how he is going to mobilize ignorant and brainwashed youths from the North, materialistic youths from the East, online distracted youths from the West and oil bunkering youths of the South.

Here is the thing, it is a general scientific consensus that we all boil, but at different degrees. The truth however Is that among other factors that drive revolution are two ideologues that are currently missing in our polity today; discontent with the level of suffering and deliverance from the authority of the spiritual leaders. Until we have a culmination of both, and have a mass revolution that will produce a radical leader,we will keep embracing every person with a microphone that speaks flawless English language as a potential leader that cannot sift the noise from the message.

Home Grown Gospel

The General Overseers of Nigerian churches have continued to show by carnal examples how better they are in the art of human and financial resource management than our selected political leaders. Though, they are neither selected nor elected but have by providence and our gullibility found themselves in charge of what is left of our collective destinies. Still in doubt? Follow me not into the scriptures but the streets.

With prayers, reasonably priced anointing oil and car stickers, the church leadership has been able to protect her own from attacks of the devil like kidnapping, terrorism, robbery- both armed and pen and other societal menaces that have shamed the Nigerian government and her standing army. Though, the G.Os have rightly not put their trust in chariots and horses but in the friendly Nigerian Police who at the moment serve as escorts while the pew is left by faith  under the wings of the Almighty.

In the absence of crude oil and its curse, and with the decline in tithes and offerings from the pew, the church leadership have unlike the government of the day embraced investment diversion and focus on multiple streams of income as their budgetary sources. The church is now wisely into banking, agriculture, printing and prosperity evangelism. It is only a matter of time before the church outdoes the government in labour empowerment and economic influence.

Apart from ferrying the President abroad for ear infection treatment, it is on record that the incumbent government have understandably not been able to start and complete any developmental or infrastructural project since it came to power. This may not be unconnected with the dour cabinet that remained largely unchanged since the inception of the government. The church however has made tremendous progress in this regard. We now have a church with the largest auditorium in Africa, another one with most branches and some with more land mass than Dangote cement factory. And this again,is all due to the fact that church leadership mentality is not that of average old testament missionary but a 20th century Harvard inspired manager.

Though, some(including modern day Pharisees) have argued that the Church has not been able to consistently be the light of the world. They don't have to be. That is the responsibility of PHCN (Power Holding Company of Nigeria). Unlike PHCN, the reasons are that the church is morally obese even though it fasts, and that the church leadership lacks the spiritual strength to cast the first stone in cases of corruption. They, especially those that pay miserly offerings,also have the effontery to question the church’s transparency and accountability knowing fully well that the leadership is only accountable to God who appointed them. It may seem dictatorial, but remember they do not owe their exalted office to any electoral process and they do not have to worry about second term since their office exists in eternity.

Nevertheless, Christ the author and finisher of our faith is selfless, humble, simple and charitable. So also was the Nigerian Church, in the early 1960s. Over the years however, the church just like other earthly institutions have evolved and the material success is a testimony to the leadership style and the advanced management principles that have successfully turned teeming spiritually hungry congregation into a subdued sheep that feed on instant gratification and multidimensional miracles.

Lastly, Christ has built his church but while we glory in the ambitious and fanciful buildings, there are two or three truths the political leadership can learn from the Bible. The leadership( I mean political leadership, the church leadership already know). Namely, espouse the truth, hold itself accountable and must not do unto us as they want others to do to them! Because, at the moment, Nigerians wish above all things that…….

Dividends of Terrorism

In their usual benevolence, the terrible terrorists (Boko Haram) that have been terrorizing Nigeria and Nigerians in the last decade, decided to return the over 100 kidnapped students back to Dapchi from where they were first abducted. From the pictures of the girls and their luggage on arrival, it was obvious that the terrerorist took them shopping before bringing them back. Either that, or the girls were allowed to pack before they were kidnapped and the luggages with them are their belongings and personal effects.

Completely at loss over the sudden appearance of the girls, the world was treated to a spectacle of information (mis)management by the man who has so personified the art of a certain vice that he was named after it. Alhaji Lai (pronounced Lie) Mohammed the minister of information said no ransom was paid to free the Dapchi schoolgirls and said their release "came with no conditions."

"The only thing they asked for was that they should be the ones to drop them off. They didn't want to hand them over to any third party. Nothing was given in exchange for them," Mohammed said.

Absolutely sir, having seen the way the government has been treating both the people and her natural resources, even the terrorists have trust issues with the government, and will rather not entrust the girls to them.After all, were the girls not first kidnapped under the nose of the government with all it's military presence? So, the terrorists without any compulsion and under no duress brought the girls back with their luggages! This government must really think Nigerians are as dumb as our representatives are derelict in the House.

While this government was pulling the wool over their eyes in the third world, here in the first world, Facebook and Cambridge Analytica were blindfolding the people with electronic brainwashing. Cambridge Analytical is a data analytic company that has just one mission: How to manipulate you at no cost.

So in 2014, many Facebook users were paid to take a research quiz and give up some certain personal information in the process. Cambridge Analytica funded this project with over 270,000 Facebook users signing up for it. What they however didn't know was that this seemingly research project allowed Cambridge Analytica to gain access into personal details of friends of those that signed for this quiz. By the end of the project, Cambridge Analytica had unfettered access into over 50 million profiles of Facebook users.

You can snort your nose, shrug your shoulder and murmur “whatever” in defiance, but here is the thing: Our data,especially the ones that borders on our demographics, in the wrong hand can be used for very horrible things. When such information are fed into the system, Cambridge Analytica can use it profile you and tell to a reasonable degree what you're likely to do in peculiar situations. So, armed with such data they were able to prey on people's mental weakness and wrap your perceptions around in a way that they can predict and influence your decision process. It was widely used at the USA 2016 elections, and Mark Zuckerback has tendered an apology on behalf of Facebook but he will still face the Congress to explain why such data theft was allowed on his platform.

The bad news however was that Cambridge Analytica was in Nigeria at our last elections at the invitation of the incumbent government. But, the good news was that that they couldn't interfere with our elections because of the unreliability and misinformation we peddle about ourselves online. In other words, our immunity to sophisticated election interference was predicated on our natural vice.

This is where however the story becomes interesting, in trying to unravel the plot of having another foreign government interfere with USA elections, Facebook was found to have been a willing platform and going forward, the founder has promised to use same platform to protect the integrity of future elections. The congress has similarly agreed to be asking intending visitors to USA to submit all online media accounts for scrutiny as part of visa application process.

Until we hear directly from the spokesperson of the alternative government in Nigeria called Boko Haram, you may want to take Lai Mohammed unseriously. And you can also be rest assured that we will never suffer the same inglorious shame of a foreign government interfering in our elections, we have always been doing that by ourselves and we call it electoral malpractices. Nothing serious.

Dr Ben Carson

Prior to his running for the office of the President of USA- before running out of breath- and flipping over to Trump campaign and finally ending up as a Secretary of Housing and Urban Planning, Dr Ben Carson was a born and bred African American neurosurgeon of international repute.

Behind his seemingly innocuous mien is a brain that led 70 other doctors in performing the first successful operation of separating the Siamese co-joined twins. Just like Wole Soyinka and the award of Literature Nobel Prize, this singular medical feat was an enough significant achievement for Dr. Carson as it led to a breakthrough in his medical career which gave him recognition throughout the world.

This feat launched Dr.Carson into fame, wealth and limelight - indices that are however not enough to transit him into a political career. Nevertheless, his announcement for candidacy of the greatest office in the world went viral. Sensing another Obama in the making,Nigerians lived and campaigned online for the doctor. Without any assistant passing him precision equipments and finding the political turf not sterile, Dr Carson soon wisely gave up his political ambition and joined Trump- the most unlikely of candidates.

With the white house in political turmoil, the GOP about to self implode and far more major scandals brewing here and in Russia, you will think that no one will take cognizance of the minute financial impropriety involving the Secretary. Now, that we know that the Dr Carson approved $31,561 to purchase a dining set for his office (Even, operating tables are far more cheaper).We also know that the department spent another $165,000 on “lounge furniture,”  for the sitting Secretary.Virtually every major news outlet is on the story for reasons beyond me.

Dr. Ben Carson sits in a far more white cabinet of President Trump, knowing fully well that there are more who are against him than for him. And that the choice of cabinet that he was offered and took was clearly outside of his competence, resulting in a below par performance in his first year in office. Still, he did not refuse the appointment. Though, Nigerians here are of the opinion that he is just being singled out for punishment more for his colour of skin than his sins. Which to me implies that the amiable doctor got to that position more on other considerations than on merit. Just like the present black RNC chairman, and Babatunde Fashola.

Sarcasm apart, the disproportionate focus on this small financial scandal seem on point when you consider the level of hypocrisy on display within this context. Two weeks ago, the White House proposed cutting the Department of Housing and Urban Development’s budget by $8.8 billion. Splurging on new office decor while cutting public housing projects for the poor clearly meets the definition of hypocritical.

I haven't been around here for long to be able to know if overspending on interior decorating with a budget excess that could have been retired can result in Carson being fired ( I have a feeling deep in my DNA that he will not resign). But, it is clear that the situation makes for a perfect scandal — easy to understand, clearly hypocritical and, unfortunately for Carson, hard to forget. And if he is determined to keep his job, he better forget washing his hands with chlorinated lime water and rather consider the following tips.

The Seventh day Adventist church where he worships should embark on a two prong frontal attacks, the prayer warriors must start dry fasting and prayers because this is clearly the devil's work. For Christ sake, the man is worth $29m and could personally afford any tree in the rainforest for his office furniture. Secondly, his kinsmen in Detroit Michigan should come out en masse wearing same shirts emblazoned with solidarity messages and screaming racism on the streets.

And lastly, his medical constituency must write a strongly worded letter supporting him, with a threat that if he loses his job on account of this small corruption tendencies,all doctors- including the 70 that performed the first major operation with him will all go on strike with their scapels firmly in their hands.

Time is of essence.